Nits!

No one in my family
Has ever once had nits,
What do you think
That we all are
A bunch of stupid twits?
No,
We do not go round the house,
Itching night and day...
If we had nits,
I tell you what,
We'd kill them right away...

My mum she'd get some dynamite
And stick it on my head,
And blow it up, and then I bet,
Those nits would all be dead...
If my dad heard that I had nits,
I think he'd probably swear,
And then he'd get a flame-thrower
And burn off all my hair,

No one in my family
Has ever once had nits,
What do you think
That we all are
A bunch of stupid twits?
No,
We do not go round the house,
Itching night and day...
If we had nits,
I tell you what,
We kill them right away...

Uncle Jonny he's a cleaner,
And he'd know what to do,
If he once heard that I had nits,
He'd flush me down the loo.
My auntie she's a gardener,
She'd hit me with a spade,
My brother in the army says
He'd use a hand grenade,

No one in my family
Has ever once had nits,
What do you think
That we all are
A bunch of stupid twits?
No,
We do not go round the house,
Itching night and day...
If we had nits,
I tell you what,
We kill them right away...

My Great Grand Dad's a policeman,
And mum says he's got a gun,
And if he knew, that I had nits,
It would not be much fun...
Cousin Jenny she's a baker
And she's got a rollling-pin
She says that if she beat my head
Those nits would soon give in.

No one in my family
Has ever once had nits,
What do you think
That we all are
A bunch of stupid twits?
No,
We do not go round the house,
Itching night and day...
If we had nits,
I tell you what,
We kill them right away...

After this chat with mum and dad
I was really, really glad
That my head wasn't itchy
And I didn't feel too bad...
When they took me to the barbers,
And they sat me in a chair,
And then he got a razor out
And cut off all my hair!

No one in my family
Has ever once had nits,
What do you think
That we all are
A bunch of stupid twits?
No,
We do not go round the house,
Itching night and day...
If we had nits,
I tell you what,
We kill them right away...